


Blue

by Occasus



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Universe, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Loss, M/M, POV Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-06-09 20:39:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19483603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Occasus/pseuds/Occasus
Summary: In which the Survey Corps reaches the ocean, and Levi mourns the loss of the one person who made it possible and deserved to see it most.





	Blue

The sunlight is harsh, the air warm and thick even as a cool breeze plays in the longer strands of Levi’s hair and catches beneath the fabric of his cape. Birds cry overhead, a sound unlike the calls he’s accustomed to. There’s a distinct scent on the air, something sticky and heavy that Levi can’t name, as if the air itself wants to cling to his skin.

It’s hard to believe what he’s looking at is real, that those delusional brats were right. But here it is, water deep blue and endless, stretching into the horizon as far as he can see. The roar of waves crashing onto the shore, the sting of salt in his lashes, the vastness of it all—it’s exactly what Armin described and more. 

His comrades don’t hesitate to mad-dash for the water, heedless in their excitement. One by one they jump into the surf, shouting exclamations of shock and joy, splashing one another, tumbling into the waves. Kierschtein has the blind audacity to cup a handful and bring it to his lips—something he apparently regrets immediately, fucking idiot.

Hange whoops loud and sudden at Levi’s side, startling him enough to break his attention. He cuts his eyes in their direction. In typical Hange-fashion, they are already abandoning their horse, stumbling as they tug off their boots. 

“Oi, Hange, not you too. Are you serious?” 

A single brown eye sparkles with delight. “It’s the _ocean_ , Levi! Live a little.” Hange skips through the sand, laughing like mad. 

“Hey, how do you know it’s not poisonous? Hange?” Somehow, Levi isn’t shocked he’s the only one with enough brains to question the integrity of a large body of strange-smelling water before jumping into it. 

Levi remains on the sand, squinting. Waves crash ceaselessly against the land, foaming where they churn. But farther out the water is smooth like glass, and the sun reflects blinding white off the surface. 

_He would have been so fascinated with this._

The intrusive thought steals the salt-air from Levi’s lungs. A familiar kick to the sternum he never quite gets used to. There’s an aching emptiness in his ribcage as vast as the sea before him. 

It’s unfair that Levi stands on the shore alone. _He_ should be here, _he_ would appreciate this like no one else could. Levi could picture him: standing perfectly still, taking it all in with childlike awe, lips parted and blue eyes wide, sunlight gleaming off his golden head. 

_Oh, Erwin._

The name is a knife-twist. 

How cruel the world was, to take the person who led them to this discovery before giving him a chance to see it himself. Erwin would have been like the rest, intrigued and delighted by the reality of a once-fabled ocean. 

But he would have loved it differently. The world through Erwin’s eyes had always been different. He saw things like no one else possibly could. 

Levi tilts his chin towards the sun, exhaling a breath he didn’t know he was holding. The laughter of his comrades rings all around, accompanying the roar of the waves. His throat tightens. 

None of this would have been possible without Erwin, without his peculiar vision, his thirst for knowledge, his unwavering determination. To think how far they had come in such a short time. The Survey Corps was leaps and bounds farther than anyone could have ever dreamed, all thanks to one man. 

And he wasn’t even here to see it. 

_To share it with,_ Levi thinks, selfishly. 

It’s difficult adjusting to life without Erwin. So much of Levi’s identity is a direct result of Erwin’s influence. It’s no stretch to say he’d be dead, probably, had his path not intersected Erwin’s, or at best still crawling around in the dark underground. 

He certainly wouldn’t be here, far beyond the walls with his boots on the sand, the wind in his hair, _looking at the goddamn ocean_. There would be no ocean for Levi without Erwin. He would have never gone outside the walls at all, never tasted freedom. Without Erwin, Levi would have never seen the sun. 

_You deserved this more than any of us—_

“Hey, Levi!” 

Levi turns. Hange is ankle-deep in the surf, cupping something in their hands. There’s a deranged smile on their face, but it fades the second they focus on Levi. 

Levi doesn’t know what his expression holds, but Hange straightens and drops whatever they were holding. A sad, knowing look crosses their face. Levi’s chest aches and his cheeks burn. 

He focuses on the dark patch over Hange’s ruined left eye and reminds himself that he isn’t the only person who lost something that day. 

“I’m sorry, Levi—”

“Enjoy your smelly ocean,” he cuts in. He despises the telling waver in his own voice. “I’m going to take a walk, I won’t be long. Don’t let any of the team drown themselves while I’m gone.” 

Blessedly, Hange understands and nods. Without a word, they turn back to gaze thoughtfully over the water. 

Levi doesn’t wander far. Once out of earshot, he pauses on the shore. He remains standing. He can only imagine what a pain in the ass it would be to try and get all the sand out of his uniform if he sat. 

Alone, he lets his thoughts drift back to Erwin. Erwin, who wouldn’t have worried about getting sand on his clothes or in his hair. Erwin, who would have toed off his boots without a second thought, leapt into the surf with utter disregard, and turned with his blond hair plastered to his forehead to smile at Levi and beckon him closer. Erwin, with eyes brighter and bluer than this ocean could ever hope to be. 

There’s no one around to notice the sudden wetness in his lashes, and so Levi doesn’t bother wiping it away. His heart aches like a bruise. He thinks it always will. 

Perhaps in another place, another time, they could have had this together. He would stand at Erwin’s side here on the shore, scolding him for being so reckless with the unknown ocean. Erwin would give him that _look_. He would reach for Levi, pull him in against his broad chest and turn them towards the waves. He would talk about the beauty of it, hypothesize the science behind the tides, and Levi would pretend to be interested in the words coming out of his mouth when all that really mattered to him was that Erwin was warm and vibrant and alive at his side. 

The ocean holds no significance for Levi. He watches the white caps, the dancing sun rays, and feels nothing but grief. Erwin’s absence is too great. How can he look at this ocean and feel anything but dejection? The wonder of it is lost when the person who mattered most is gone. 

Levi lets out a shaky breath, staring at the horizon. How the fuck are they going to face what’s out there without Erwin to lead them? 

He doesn’t know. Levi feels like he doesn’t know _anything_ anymore. He’s lost, untethered, listing in a world where nothing matters any longer. He had known all along it was foolish to let his calloused heart cling so tightly to a mortal man. Levi has lost so many people to the savagery of the world. And yet he still put Erwin on a pedestal like some god in the flesh. 

Levi got a taste of Erwin’s mortality the day they carted his commander home bleeding and battered, having lost a piece of himself to the war. He’d felt the sting of it every time he was tugged down by one arm instead of two, every time he looked at that empty sleeve.

Funny, Levi had never feared death. Not until it came for someone else. His god among men had fallen. 

With nothing left to hold onto, Levi had never felt colder. Even facing the ocean, with the sun in his eyes and his shirt clinging to his sweat-damp skin. 

There was one thing that kept him going. Levi was a machine with a single task, an ends to a means. There was one burden left for his heavy heart to carry: he had made Erwin a promise. 

It was all he had left. The one thing Levi could do to make it up to him. 

_I swore to him._

Erwin gave him the world. He looked down at a grimy street rat wallowing in dust and misery and saw some potential. Levi would never know what it was that made Erwin ask for his loyalty. He would never understand why he was given a second chance. He simply knew it was the pivotal point of his life, and he’d never once looked back. 

He wouldn’t look back now, either. Not after coming this far. 

Levi wipes tears he didn’t realize he’d shed with the back of his hand. He’s unsure how much time has passed since he walked out here, the sun is in a different position. The others would be missing him soon. 

He takes one last look across the endless blue. To the place where sea met sky. 

_I_ swore _to him._

He’d cross this entire ocean if he had to.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, it's been a long time since I got brave enough to post one of my fics. 17 months long. 
> 
> This sort of came about b/c I couldn't stop thinking about how Levi must have felt standing at the ocean missing the person who made it possible, the person who shaped his life. I think I'm grieving with him. 
> 
> Thanks so much for giving it a read. Comments and kudos appreciated. C:
> 
> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/CasWrites).


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